How Can Heaven Be So Cruel?

......before you draw any conclusion, I just want to clear the air.....

Im not a non-believer nor am I a believer.....Im simply a free spirit searching for hope in this life, hope so that I can "hope" for freedom in an afterlife.

I love the thought of a heaven, or atleast the heaven that I was brought up believing in. You know; the one that if we're good we go to when we die, the one where nothing but happiness exist, the one where FOREVER exist, the one that gives me hope that no matter how bad things can be here, no matter who leaves me, things WILL get better and I WILL be reunited with my loved ones.

But lets take a second and think about how realistic this hopeful place is. Are you so hopeful that you dare not think too deep into your long awaiting home? Is heaven really a place what we grow up believing? Is it really that great a place where you're bound to enjoy an eternal life of happiness?

There's this thought in my head that I just can't shake. I'm stuck with this question that I can't seem to answer myself. Isn't heaven the place where only happiness exist? Isn't heaven the place where you reunite with your loved ones? 

so........what happens when you get to heaven and you're reunited with the ones you so darely missed? Will that be all the happiness in life that you've been seeking? ......but imagine now being reunited......what about your loved ones that you left behind? 

Imagine being in heaven thinking about your lovers that haven't made it to the afterlife as yet. Imagine having to imagine them still trying to survive through a lifetime of pain and sadness. Imagine not knowing whether or not your loved ones will live the life that grants them a pass to heaven. I can't imagine you'll be fullfilled in this place where "only happiness exist" leaving behind loved ones. Leaving behind ones that you left saddened, suffering trying to cope with your absence, suffering not knowing whether you're lost forever........

How can you really be in a place of happiness when you left behind parts of your happiness? Just take a second and imagine this. How can a placed filled with eternal unhappy thoughts be a place for eternal happiness? 

Why is  heaven so cruel? A place I once used as a symbol of hope, now just a hope for hope!